I Didn’t Get Catcalled Today

I didn’t leave my New York apartment all day. I feel bad. I hear that there are men out there who want to tell me I’m pretty and my ass has a noticeably pleasing formation to it. Because I chose to stay indoors, these poor men had to look for another woman with a posterior to treat with their particular brand of admiration.

I’m so sorry, guys. I’m so very sorry. I hope you found her. And I hope she wasn’t one of those poor women brainwashed into thinking your uninvited compliments aren’t an organic part of human interaction.  I hope she giggled and loved it and maybe even said yes to a date or whatever you propositioned. I hope you both found each other lovely.

However, I will admit, a strange thing happened while I was in my apartment. I felt pretty without you. I know. It’s crazy. How in the world did I get that magical feeling of worth? No one saw my ass. I guess somehow God let me know you’re out there. Loving my ass.

I even smiled! I know you always tell me I should. Well, you’re right. It was a pleasing experience.

So, guy who has been fighting on message boards and tv interviews that you feel oppressed for being told by women they don’t want you talking to them, I hear you. I’m sorry I didn’t go out and walk around so you and I could enjoy a conversation with me holding my headphones and looking at you impatiently.

But I have faith. You’ll be there tomorrow.





3 Comments Add yours

  1. Mike R. says:

    I was waiting on that corner for you ALL DAY! Y’know,it’s not exactly warm this weekend. But why would you bother? After all,you feel pretty without me. Why do I notice that supple ass and pretty gait if you don’t need me to confirm these things? It’s not like I have an actual chance with you. You’re pretty and smart and WAY too sober. If I can’t leave my actual scent on you,is it really too much to ask that I penetrate you with my raw,unsheathed commentary? What…what will become of me?

  2. Pito Rosario says:

    LOLL; HILARIOUS post, Justina!

  3. saradiehl says:

    I LAUGHED OUT LOUD. This is becoming quite a popular topic. Always nice to see someone with the ability to find humor in whatever trend is ruffling tail-feathers. Well done. 🙂

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