So, I am now reminded of the first 24 hours of every life change I’ve done. I once quit drinking for three years. I once quit drinking coffee for six months. The first day living away from my parents. The three times I’ve moved in to live with a partner. The two times I’ve moved out to live alone. That time I changed diet and exercise to run a marathon. It’s nice to be reminded this isn’t the first time I’ve consciously changed an aspect of my lifestyle. It’s also a relief to know I’m not going crazy. I’m just going through the first 24 hours.
Lots of rage. Tons of rage.
Now, I think it’s just how the first 24 hours work. My body and mind is acclimating to a completely new world. I spend every single second of the day focused on my posture now. The moment I forget, there is something to remind me and the guilt puts me right back on track. Then guilt and rage puts me on track. Then guilt, pain and rage make me sit up straight while I scream.
From past “1st 24 Hours” events in my life, I know I will someday ease into a rhythm. I will come back to this level of rage from time to time, but it will pass. The highs and lows will pass. It’s good knowing this.
Today, I’m mad at everything. And it doesn’t help that chipper people who are not going through their first 24 hours of anything are telling me how to be as chipper as them about a health issue they don’t have.
They all say to try yoga. I’m not sure why the focus is yoga except maybe because most of my friends live in cities where yoga is exceptionally popular. When I got back from the doctor, I was comparing yoga and pilates classes (both suggested by Spinal Guy). And people on my social media and in my in-person life who heard about the neck issues kept giving me unsolicited advice about yoga. Which I, of course, have heard of, practiced and already know a lot about. I already knew where to go cheap, where to go hipster, and where to go so I’d sit next to a celebrity. Hey everyone, I know yoga cured your whatever. I know I can take classes at the gym. I know it can be easy as I want it to be. I know…Why? Because I live in a large city where there’s three things on every corner: a Starbucks, a bar, and a yoga studio. I don’t need advice. I especially don’t need anyone telling me how they just naturally love yoga. Because I don’t. I won’t. I may do it because my doctor told me to do it or something else and it’s the lesser of all evils, but for fucks sake, drink your soy latte and leave me alone.
So, I’m angry. I think I’m angry that I have to fucking work at being healthy. It’s a reminder of my age. I spent my youth naturally fit, and thin, and painlessly (although atrociously) postured. I’m also angry at how difficult it is. And I’m pissed off at myself that I waited this long.
Well, this is a rant. I will end on a high note. I will put a cute spin on it and say that today was a cleanse. I released anger toxins. Bye bye angry! Breathe in happy!
Or at least breathe in not wanting to chew on rocks to spit out diamonds of fury.